TOPIC: FAMILY AFFAIRS: WAY FORWARD 1

INTRODUCTION

The mission of Satan is to pull down the church so that so many will not make it to heaven, and having seen this as his major assignment, his method of operation is to tear apart individual family unit, so that agreement of purpose and unity of spirit will not be there, and without these, the church’s authority and power will be frustrated and valueless. Hence, we want to look into what should be the biblical standard for the family life.

GOD’S EXPECTATION FROM THE FAMILY

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the saviour of the body”.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her”

“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself”.

Ephesians 5:22-23, 25, 28.

From the quoted scriptures, it is very obvious that marriage between a man and his wife is likened to the love relationship between Christ (head and husband) and the church (the bride), so whatever is obtainable in our relationship as church to Christ Jesus ought to be the flow in our marital relationship alongside parent-children relationship, the summation that makes the home.

UNRESOLVED ISSUES IN THE FAMILY

Here are few unresolved issues in the family affair which causes problems and we often shy away from them.

SICK COMMUNICATION

This is a very serious issue in most families as communication line as been bartered and couples finds it difficult to communicate in a simple language and mutual understanding. This problems starts most often from the relationship stage, when the young man and/or the lady misinforms each other about their respective families, or when the young man based on past family issues gives standing order to the wife to be, which in turn becomes a trouble to tackle when the reality starts dawning on the two later on.

Many couples have reduce communication into two or three syllable answer – ‘yes, no, don’t disturb me, what do you mean? What are you insinuating? Can’t you see, did I tell you ‘am hungry? If you like, do your worst, among others. These answers as they sound clearly show that peace is far away from homes where such dialogues emanate. We need to develop a better way of relating with each other as husband and wife, because our communication as parents could either make or mar the future of the children who sees and hears the parents as their first teacher and mentor.

THE IN-LAW ISSUE

So many families (especially the wives) are taking a share of their in-laws troubles as a result misunderstanding of roles, incorrect information and the sell out of wives by their husband. Until when mother-in-laws begin to see their sons’ wives as their own daughters, the rivalry and competition that ensues and generate issues will continue to hunt them. Wives too are to see their husbands’ mothers as their own mother and by so doing; peace will find its way in the family both nuclear and extended. The role of the father and mother (in-laws) is advisory rather than authoritative, so care must be taking when playing your role as a third party to the married couples. See your children in marriage as one with their spouse and don’t try to put asunder by speaking secretly or separately with one without the other.

HUSBAND AND WIFE’S INEQUALITY

So many wives (and young women about to be married) in this generation carries the notion that they are equal or share equal right with their husbands and that really is a bone of contention in many homes. As against the Biblical standard, women are not inferior to their husbands as some thinks, but that the example of Christ should be sought, and that is why the scripture says wives should submit to their husbands, submission here means that whatever a wife has (top executive in her office, earning more than the husband, well gifted, wealthy family background etc), must be under the control of the husband, because all that the church has is under the control of Christ (the husband of the church).

When you as a wife sees yourself as having the same authority with your husband, the peace of your home is under frustration (because you take decisions, nag, shout him down, do things that make him look unimportant etc) and no man wants to be pushed around by his wife.

In-as-much-as you are couple, you need to give yourselves the expected respect and jointly decide on issues while the husband authorizes the decision made, when this is in practice, the home will experience bliss on regular basis.

ONENESS AS PARTNERS

Partner means a part owner of a thing, and being a partner means one with the other half. Husband is incomplete without the wife and the wife is incomplete without the husband. You are no more two but one and what that means is that you should think, look, act and decide as one person and not two. As a wife there shouldn’t be anything emergency for you to decide outside your husband, as a husband, there are minor things that your wife can use initiative on; you should not be too rigid a man or else you will make your wife redundant. As two loves that forms one heart beat, what one says is what the other says, in oneness all that is done is expected to be in oneness of heart, spirit and attitude.

SHIFTING AFFECTION

Marriage is actually between the husband and wife and not between mother and child. So many wives have transferred their husbands’ affection to children and some to job, thereby leaving the husbands into waiting arms outside that could tear down the home. Some change overnight, leaving what they used to do before (kissing, caressing, regular copulation etc) and the less these things are made available to the spouse, the devil opens opportunity for such outside the marriage and issues start setting in. Both the man and his wife must look for way to improve how they started and not the opposite (neglect and inactiveness).

PLACE OF FRIENDS

It is important to say here that the friends we keep individually before wedding needs to change status from his friends or her friends to our friends, with these in place, it helps the family to grow rather than diminish with contribution/influence of individual friends. Friends can be a gain or a pain depending on their impact on the family life.

TAKING RESPONSIBILITIES

Both the husband and wife have roles to play in the day to day running of the family. Husband married a help-meet and not drycleaners, caterers, sex machines, children making machines, housemaid, etc. There are times that husband has to take responsibilities especially in domestic chores to relief the wife of stress and make her body ready for bed time. However, wives should not misunderstand this stand for having equal work right with their husbands.

Other responsibilities include: financial, family upkeep, children, in-laws, church and society. We must see the family responsibilities as corporate and not individual.

EXTERNAL INFLUENCE ON THE FAMILY

There are several influences out there that informs the decision we take concerning our families, either well weighed or un-weighed, and this causes issues that tears the family apart or bring them closer.

The influences range from: the church, friends, children, parents, neighbours, society at large alongside spiritual forces. We need to be careful so as not to destroy our home by our improper information and misunderstanding of our spouses.


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