Temperament and Sexuality in Relationship

THEME: MARRIAGE FOUNDATION

TOPIC: TEMPERAMENT AND SEXUALITY IN RELATIONSHIP

TEXT: Song of Solomon 2:2-7

INTRODUCTION

To God be the glory for this opportunity we have to share together about the future of each person seated here today, and I sincerely thank the organizers of this seminar for bringing me on board today, may we add value to each other’s lives in Jesus name, Amen. We shall be discussing ‘Temperament and Sexuality in Relationship’ as a basis for marriage foundation. Tell your neighbor – welcome on board, open up your mind, add value.

Can we read the text together – SOS 2:2-7

“Love is not just about finding the right person, but creating right relationship.

It is not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you built till the end”. Love is spirit personified with qualities as stated in I Corinthians 13, and that is the basics for any relationship to be strong, lasting and successful.

Love is buildable and grows from one stage to another as the concerned agrees to be sacrificial in all stances. Loving means to be sacrificing, love is sacrificial in nature. This will lead us into discussing the topic – Temperament and sexuality in relationship. A fragment of what we need to work on in the foundation of marriage relationship is the temperament of both partners to be, as well as their sexuality among other vital areas of the marriage institution.   

Tell your neighbor – today na today!

Temperament

Temperament is man himself (by man I mean human being, do you know that all of us here is categorized as man, but we have the male of man as well as the female of man – Genesis 1:27). Temperament is the state of mind or the nature of a person and we differ from each other based on our uniqueness as individuals. There are four widely known division of temperament (see my book – Relationship what does it really take), Melancholy, Phlegmatic, Sanguine and Choleric. Every one of us fall 100% into one class and 30-40% into another, that is you are not out-rightly one for sure.

In the beginning when God made man, man was a master piece in the hand of God until when sin surfaced and things turned sour, thereby making available negative aspects of temperament. Let’s quickly take a brief look at the classes -  

Melancholy – Positive – Good planner, Quiet and simple, very faithful

                        Negative – Stingy, not easily pleased, quite stubborn

Choleric – Positive – Optimistic, independent, enduring

            Negative – command always, self-centered, argues much

Sanguine – Positive – forgives easily, always friendly, optimistic

            Negative – talks a lot, impatient, has weak mind

Phlegmatic – Positive – always practical, counsel/encourages others, quiet and neat

            Negative – procrastinate, doesn’t want competition, a miser

It is important to note that none of us is free from these negatives in as much as we allow sin to dominate our lives and we cannot build a healthy home with wrong mind set and attitude, hence we need to give our lives to the mentorship of our Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and savior, this is very important and more crucial.

Having seen few of the re-make of man, how do we bring these into our relationship and what need be done? I have given you the first clue, and that is giving your life to Christ. Then, Christ in you will begin to break old habitual traits away from you by renewing your mind with His words as you give credence to it all the time, with the watch word of ‘trust and obey’. Tell your friend, trust and obey.

In relationship, before and in marriage, you begin to work on your weaknesses as a person and helping your partner to also do likewise by persevering and enduring with each other prayerfully. One thing you must note, is that if you are truly a Christian, though it will be tasking, you must not wear your old self, Christ must be seen changing you and radiating in you, the Lord will help you in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Sexuality

This area is as important as the one earlier mentioned and it calls for thorough discussion because many homes are breaking and this issue is one of the major reasons for it. Let me state here, that sex as a matter is not for singles or about to wed, it is a sin when practiced out of wedlock because anyone who does that will pay dearly for it later on, so I want to treat it preparing your mind for the responsibility and enjoyment ahead.

There is what we call foreplay before the act of sex, and this is important because of the nature of both the man and the woman. Man is a seeing agent (sighting some part of a woman can arouse a man), but the woman is different in that she need to be walked into the act (being an emotional agent). So, foreplay is necessary and it starts with love talk, touches, kiss and romance, all these from a stage to another will prepare the body of the woman for the sex task.

Sex, in itself is not love, sex is meant to be the resultant effect of loving each other, and it should be done in a manner that will not bring about sin. There are several methods practicable and there are others that are not proper for us as Christians. Remember that sex is not for child bearing alone in marriage but for the enjoyment and release of emotional tension of both partners. There’s no time stipulation on when and how many times to meet each other, except for spiritual matters (as stated in I Cor. 7:3-5).

Denying your partner as at when he/she needs you will begin to degenerate to more traumas emotionally and physically, and the more you act like that, the more you break your home apart, and you will pay dearly for the your carelessness or intentional act.

Sex is a participating game between the husband and the wife, so whoever is concerned should condition his/her body for it the moment you see a sign that your partner needs you, don’t be rigid, absent-minded, quick to disengage, or dormant, you need be active on bed, because bed ministry is important in marriage, and a failure in that ministry could translate to failure in other areas also.

In all, when you are able to deal with your temperament stage by stage before settling into marriage and you know what to do with your sexuality in marriage, you are on the verge of enjoying marriage irrespective of the challenges that may come, because outside this two issues raise, finance and/or children may be other challenges, but quite sure that if you successfully walk over your temperamental challenges and sexual intimacy, other challenges will be easier to tackle with understanding and reasonableness.

I pray that you will not miss it in life in Jesus name. See you at the top and I wish you a wonderful marriage. Prepare yourself for the final marriage with the Lamb of God, He is coming back and soon. Your marital status as at this coming will not matter to Christ but what matter is your relationship status with Him. Get prepared. God bless you. 

Shalom!

 Your friend,

'Wale D. Adekanye

The Mouth Piece of God.