PASTOR D. ‘WALE ADEKANYE
INTRODUCTION:
I am saddled with the responsibility of
sharing with the youth of this church on ‘handling pre-marital issues’ which is
a very vital topic that we often shy away from as a church believing that such
issues relating to sex and the stuff are not to be openly discussed, meanwhile
we all hear and see these things on the Television and from radio, news papers
and magazines, on the internet and other facilities available to us, so if we
run away from such in the church and at home, how do we expect the inquisitive
young minds to behave and react?
Base on this premise, God has given
some of us the responsibilities to go out to teach and enlighten on this
particular area so that marriages could be saved even before they start.
We shall therefore look at some of the
pre-marital issues as time will permit us today by the grace of God.
Say to yourself, I will not miss out
in Jesus’ name (Amen).
12
ISSUES TO BE CONSIDERED BEFORE MARRIAGE (PRE-MARITAL ISSUES)
1.
Commitment: is
putting all you effort into making the relationship work irrespective of the
other person’s attitude. Commitment is your readiness to give at all time
instead of taking, it is allow yourself to make the necessary sacrifice for the
betterment of the relationship, and when all partners are ready to be givers,
their level of commitment to the journey will make it run smoothly irrespective
of the challenges that may come their way, together they fight the battle – one
will chase a thousand and two will chase ten thousand. Imagine that!
2.
Effective communication: communication could either be active or passive.
Active when it is effective with proper decoding and decoding alongside with
feedback, which shows that the communication is well understood? It is passive
when questions are used in response to questions and in short syllable like:
yes, no, I’m not hungry, did I ask you for help, what’s your business? etc.
Relationship (either as single or as married) that experiences this kind of
communication is not healthy at all.
3.
Constructive conflict resolution: there are bound to be conflict of various type based
on individual background, education and societal influences. Ability to resolve
conflict internally (without external body) shows how strong the relationship
is and how lasting it would be (standing the test of time). Learn to be open
minded and don’t always want to win an argument, even if you are on the right
side and your partner on the wrong.
4.
Dealing with extended family relationship: in this part of the world, extended family is
regarded as part of every marriage and there is no way one could totally and
out-rightly avoid them. In other words, we need to devise a method of dealing
with them to make peace reign. Wives should see their mother-in-laws as mothers
and not in-laws, and vice versa. With this treatment, in-laws challenges will
be reduced to barest minimum.
5.
Companionship:
marriage is majorly meant for companionship i.e. being the partner that is
needed in the life of the other to make him/her complete. When your partner is
your companion, lines will fall for you in pleasant places and goals will
become achievable but if otherwise, the opposite will always be the case.
6.
Working relationship: the relationship between the partners must be working in all
ramification, the two have to be active in the business of relationship because
it will do harm if one is active and the other passive, this will not make the
relationship work talk-less of growing.
7.
Intimacy:
intimacy connotes intimate close (not casual), and for any relationship to
work, partners in the show must be as close as possible as their relationship
grows. Then, it will be easier for them to live happily and actively when they
eventually get married. Intimacy means you have nothing whatsoever to hide for
your partner no matter how terrible or beautiful it may be.
8.
Trust: trust
is one of the major pillars alongside love and understanding that keeps the
relationship at any level of operation. Once trust becomes untrustworthy or
total lost, then it is better you opt out of that kind of relationship earlier
or stick to it to your own peril. Trust is believing in whatever your partner
says, does or believes in. Trust God and trust your partner because he/she is
your better half.
9.
Pursuit of spiritual life and relationship with God: is the guy or girl you are dating or into
relationship with godly? This is the first question you need to ask and get
realistic answer to before you say yes to his proposal or her acceptance. Then
both of you should aspire to grow up spiritually as individuals and as
partners, because a relationship that is devoid of God is definitely going to
hit the rock.
10.
Coping with personality differences: we must acknowledge that we are from different
background and surely it will reflect in our individual behavioural pattern and
that we can not run away from. It is of importance that we learn how to
tolerate some excessive and gradually try to rearrange ourselves, because the
change you want in the other person must first be seen in you.
11.
Maturity: maturity is the ability to take decision and stand
by its consequences or result as the case may be. Age is not maturity per-say but lightly
related to it, i.e. a person may be old but not mature in reacting to issues
and a young person may react well to situation, that is what maturity is all
about. You need to be matured all round before you enter into relationship, as
in physically, emotionally, spiritually, academically, financially, mentally,
socially. You must at-least reach about 30 - 40% in all the seven areas before
you start thinking of entering a relationship.
12.
Sex:
this is a very vital area that many young people have ventured into which is
not actually right. Sex is only licensed in marriage and not before or outside.
Though, almost every advert on the media is sex motivated, but that still does
not make it right. So, as children of God, you need to be patient, to wait till
the right time before engaging in such, because if you are doing it now, there
is all tendency that you will not enjoy it in marriage due to reasons of lack
of satisfaction, boredom, sudden lost of interest and others.
Marriage
is a form of ministry, and this truth is not often told even by ministers of
God. We get into marriage to minister to each others needs and together
minister to other people’s need as the need may arise. When we begin to see
marriage as a ministry even before we enter, then we would be thinking of the
accountability aspect of it as well, and that will make us seriously prepared
and be equipped for the admission into the institution of marraigeology.
May
we not miss it in Jesus’ name (Amen).
God
bless you.
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